for everyone so they don’t worry I’m not having a good time cause I’m sober. I wish I could tell someone why I’m not okay and the could understand. I know there’s AA but I’m not like them. I don’t do step 10s. I just say sorry. I don’t need to be powerless. I’m not. I’m so exhausted of feeling so lonely. I have so many people who love me. I know this. I feel this. So why do I feel so lonely. So crippingly lonely. It scares me sometimes. It hurts so much, it’s so deep, I think it will kill me.
There’s a reason this is so intense today but I don’t want to go into it. Sometimes I don’t want to dissect why I feel something’s. Just acknowledge I do. I even feel guilty for writing as I’ve not been on here much. Left work, huge changes in life. Just been holding on. Huge mood swings. the ups have been very high. The lows bring instant tears. Like a child. Today I had to leave my friends and cry in a toilet. I felt like I did when I was drinking. Crying then putting on a face.
I don’t even want strength to get me trough tomorrow. I just want to be content.