Try not to cry little one 

for everyone so they don’t worry I’m not having a good time cause I’m sober. I wish I could tell someone why I’m not okay and the could understand. I know there’s AA but I’m not like them. I don’t do step 10s. I just say sorry. I don’t need to be powerless. I’m not. I’m so exhausted of feeling so lonely. I have so many people who love me. I know this. I feel this. So why do I feel so lonely. So crippingly lonely. It scares me sometimes. It hurts so much, it’s so deep, I think it will kill me. 

There’s a reason this is so intense today but I don’t want to go into it. Sometimes I don’t want to dissect why I feel something’s. Just acknowledge I do. I even feel guilty for writing as I’ve not been on here much. Left work, huge changes in life. Just been holding on. Huge mood swings.  the ups have been very high. The lows bring instant tears. Like a child. Today I had to leave my friends and cry in a toilet. I felt like I did when I was drinking. Crying then putting on a face. 

I don’t even want strength to get me trough tomorrow. I just want to be content. 


About MilesAwayGrrrl

32 year old just trying to work on how to move on without alcohol, for a little while at least.. It's been 19 years since I thought it became my crutch, where as really it's been crippling me. (Written in 2015)
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8 Responses to Try not to cry little one 

  1. I’m sorry, loneliness is hard 😦 I spent many years drinking the harsh edges off loneliness and I feel it sometimes too now. I don’t have any magic solutions to suggest but I can relate to what you write. I’m thinking of you, hang in there. Hugs x

    Liked by 3 people

  2. I too have you in my thoughts.
    I understand…these feelings are so hard.
    I often feel lonely, even with friends I can call on.
    You are not alone.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. ainsobriety says:

    Big hug
    No one needs the steps to go to Aa. Or surrender or god or anything except a desire to not drink and a want for love.

    Just go and say you are lonely, you will be surprised.
    Please reach out to someone. You deserve help.

    I Aldo often feel lonely. And that the effort to change that is too great. But I know there are people out there who care. I’ve asked for help before and help came.

    Love to you

    Liked by 2 people

  4. You are so strong and brave for keeping on writing.
    Yes reaching out is important, even if you feel a bit like you don’t get the right answers the first time. Keep trying until you do.
    Someone I know is a victim of violence and she tried 15 counsellors before finding her answers, then she really blossomed.
    You deserve to find inner peace and contentment 🙂
    M xxxxx

    Liked by 2 people

  5. ❤️ I’m sorry you’re feeling lonely, but I’m glad that you’re reaching out on here and talking about it.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Laters Lush says:

    Sweetie. I just relapsed and I can tell you I would rather be where you are right now. In fact I’m back in London- maybe we could meet for a coffee and once you see my blotchy skin and yellow eyes you’ll know why you are still on the right path. Being sober doesn’t make life any easier- it just means you feel it. And feeling it means you deal with it better. If you are lonely- you will be lonely drunk or sober xxxx

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh man – I just saw this. Are you here for a while or just a fleeting visit? At the moment I’m studying and working 19 hour days (about to sleep at 3am and up at 7am…) so can’t really meet at the moment – which I feel terrible about 😦
      Are you still drinking? Do you want to email or text?
      I’m so sorry to hear you drank/are drinking but only because it’s clearly making you feel like shit – no judgement. I hope you find your way back.. without guilt and shame or anger at yourself. We’re all human. And you are doing sobriety for you – so you is what you need to be kind too and look after xxxx


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