Broken

This morning I broke the work cafeteirre, my computer and me. Ha. I just feel so heavy and everything is so serious. I’ve been cancelled on twice this week – by the same person. I know she’s having a tough time so I’ll let it slide but I really could have done with human contact and life is me being shit and stressed at work. I HATE work me. My boss swans around laughing and smiling doing fuck all whilst the rest of us (so few doing two -three people’s jobs) are trying so hard but the more I feel I’m drowning the shitter I am at concentrating or actually working and I’m snappy and crap and I hate being this me. Hate it hate it. 

And I’m lonely. And I’m bored. Everything is so serious. Facebook is just everyone ranting. I remember it used to make me laugh. My whatsapp chats – used to be dumb pictures – how everyone is so stressed. Stressed stressed stressed. A stupid umbrella word. 

I’m trying to fill the hole where people and laughter should be with cereal. Late night cereal. And being utterly addicted to Facebook and IG. So I deactivated FB – it won’t be for long – events, overseas mates, but even a week might help my mind a little. Took IG off my phone. 

I feel so full of stuff. I feel hungover from being on my phone. From eating too much cereal. I’m so bored. I want laughter, chat, fun. Life is work crap and being alone. I’m trying. It will pass I know. I just need to write this out somewhere and I don’t want to reach out to my real life friends. They can’t ‘fix’ this. 

I’m seeing my niece and nephew this weekend and hope that takes me out of this for a while. I’m sure cartwheels and Dino chat will help. 

I think I need space but I’m also so lonely. Oh to be human. I can’t remember what it’s like to curl up with someone. To have butterflies. To even really be properly hugged. 

But I’ll hold on. 

Also – got totally addicted (shocking) to 13 reasons why on Netflix. Should a 34 year old relate so much? I guess people is people and emotions are emotions. A couple of scenes were just SO incredibly powerful and raw. Painfully so. 

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About MilesAwayGrrrl

32 year old just trying to work on how to move on without alcohol, for a little while at least.. It's been 19 years since I thought it became my crutch, where as really it's been crippling me.
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8 Responses to Broken

  1. I have been feeling the same lately, so I have been trying to get out for lunchtime walks or bike rides as often as I can, and I have been watching comedy shows (just for laughs gags) at night. I hope that you have an awesome visit with your niece and nephew!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you. Not that I ever wish anyone to feel the same, but it definitely makes me feel less crazy. Very excited about my trip – my niece messaged me to say they had bought vegan milk and yogurt.. but was I going to bring the ice cream? I said it perhaps might melt on the plane and we’d get some there – apparently we are making milkshakes Sunday so it’s important… YEH! ❤ Definitely need to start forcing myself to listen to comedy! Thanks!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m also finding facebook and IG and netflix are draining my hours away at the moment. I’m sorry you’re feeling like this and I hope it passes and things feel lighter and brighter for you soon. Enjoy your visiting. Sending you a virtual hug and best wishes x

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  3. Hi x
    I don’t have FB and and ever grateful for my lack of interest in the bullshit program.
    It’s just a whole bunch of insecure people (sadly mostly women) promoting themselves to be:
    the best looking person in the world
    the best mother in the world
    the most adventurous person in the world
    has the best relationship with their partner in the world

    have you ever met anyone like that? they don’t exist, it is just the narcissistic rants of self-promotion. The biggest time-waster invented in the past 10 years.

    Sadly, many things force you to open a facebook account, if you want to do many things online they want a facebook account. Apart from all the above, it contains so much information on any one individual that anyone could find out anything about you from just this one account if they know what they are doing.
    Who would want it?
    If you want to keep in touch with people, there are so many ways of doing it.
    Sorry for the 1% of you out there that actually use it for some genuine “keeping in touch” reasons. However i have my doubts there too. Eventually everyone falls into the trap of “why aren’t I good enough, having enough fun, have enough love in my life. What a load of crap.
    YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH and don’t need dumb social media to prove anything 🙂
    M xxxx
    PS sorry for my hate-rant on FB xxx

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  4. Sorry again for my Facebook views 🙂 I have seen my daughter when she was 15 get bullied horribly on FB and her friend tried to end her life,
    Adults acting badly and my sister trying to hook up with ex boyfriends because she is bored in her marriage.
    It is something I really feel very strongly about but shouldn’t go on about it.
    You have much courage and always find a path through difficult stages,
    PS Cereal is yummy no matter when
    M 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Don’t worry. I’m sorry to hear that. It’s affected people you life/know so much. I have my thoughts on FB – pros and cons but writing them out isn’t something I want to do – but I’m very grateful it wasn’t around when I was a teen. Chat rooms started to exist but so anonymous and cyber bullying didn’t really exist. Must be so so so tough. I feel for you, for them. Xx

      Yes, cereal is – but over obsessive binge eating is never a good thing..

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  5. Laters Lush says:

    Once again- we’re in the same place! Been spending far too much time flicking through Facebook and instagram. Decided I’m going to have a break from it too. And also completely addicted to 13 reasons- or I should say I was , because I binge watched them all a couple of weeks ago. Still, there could be worse things to be binging on … x

    Like

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